Common Sense - Not just for smart people

While it was previously believed that common sense could belong only to those with an IQ of 110 or higher it was recently discovered in a research study in Southern Nebraska that those registering an IQ of  110 or lower also possessed a capacity for common sense. It was even hypothesized that some mammals such as monkeys or horses may posess this ability.

This raises many question as to why such a large portion of the population have zero to minimal amounts of common sense.  A study in Otowa, CA beginning early 2010 plans to find the answer to this question.

Ohio Woman Clams Secret of Success Discovered

Today the secret of success was discovered by a small town woman in Iowa. While uncultured and simple she has found she can live far beyond her means and obtain friends in higher society with one simple trick. Be pretentious!

"Pretension," she says "is the single most important quality a person can have in my mind. I often pretend to have studied at prestigious schools and claim to own wildly exotic imports. I often have no clue what I'm talking about but, I feel, it makes me seem important. That is what matters most."

Although Janet (name changed) often misuses three syllable words and claims to have visited landmarks in places they do not exist, she does come across as someone well-to-do. This has raised her level of self importance and at times opens doors for her.

Janet claims, "One time I got to get into this posh new restaurant just becuase I loudly discussed my recent world trip with my dining compantion! The Garcon was so impressed he offered us the next table!"

Is this the real secret of success? This reporter chooses not to editorialize on the subject but instead asks, the readers to be the judge.

Additional information on Janets theory can be purchased on her website: www.pretensiussnob.com

Logging Industry Reducing Risk of Haunted Wood

There was once a time when people lived in fear of forests and woods. Those desiring to travel had to fear all types of suspicious gingerbread houses, living trees, giant spiders, werewolves and wicked beasts with magic mirrors. Thanks to the logging industry those terrible times are becoming a mere memory.

With nine tenths of the worlds rain forests, forests and jungles now cut down people can walk freely and no longer have to look over their shoulders.

This journalist would like to officially go on records as saying, "Kudos logging industry, kudos! Keep up the good, no great work!?

Your Opinion - Does it Matter?

It would seem the general populous feel; "Yes, indeed my opinion does matter." If you are one of those people, these recently published findings may be very surprising. New statistics just released from the Dept. for Facts and Statistics, at the highly acclaimed Ivy League university show that:

• 99.99% of US residents ages 12-16
• 96.4% ages 16-19
• 98.6% of all US residents ages 20-30
• 93% of residents ages 31-55

Feel that their opinion is important to the success of others and that those other than themselves also find it valuable. This is evidenced in this statistic:

• 98.9% of US residents ages 12-16 participate in online surveys at least 1x per week
  
• 89.1% of US residents ages 16-19 participate in online surveys at least 1x per week
• 97.1% of US residents ages 20-30 participate in online surveys at least 1x per week
• 72.2% of US residents ages 31-45 participate in online surveys at least 1x per week
• 43.0% of US residents ages 46-65 participate in online or phone surveys at least 1x per week

"We believe this phenomenon to be mostly due to the amount of time those under 50 spend surfing the Internet combined with the feeling that their opinion really matters," says Jose DelNumero of Ivy League U. But does your onion matter. Today we lay it down for you so you know where you stand. We surveyed 15,000 college students, our leaders of tomorrow, in a recent online poll. We asked whether or not they valued or listened to the opinions of others. Here's what they told us:

1. 43% - Never
2. 32% Rarely
3. 16% Sometimes
4. 7% Often
5. 2% Always

With over 75% of youths polled saying they rarely or never value anyone's opinion but their own its safe to say, no matter how loud you're telling it, no one is listening.

Tomorrow Will Not Come

Millions awake disillusioned to find out that not only did tomorrow not come but it never will.

Weight loss expert Sandra Butts weighs in, "Millions of Americans live their life saying to themselves, 'tomorrow I will start that new diet.' Newest research and my own personal experience have shown that the 'tomorrow' spoken of is really just a tool for procrastination."

Well then, what is the answer? We ask celebrity trainer Portia Le Diamond to give us his perspective on the mater. "I think that these people never really intend to eat healthy or to exercise. I think they are foolin' themselves if they think tomorrow will be different. We must live int he today because if we don't make a change right now then we won't later! That's why they need my help!"

So it seems, there is no solution to America's billion pound problem and we are all doomed to live, without hope of tomorrow.