TGI FRIDAYS INTRODUCES NEW MENU

In a press release issued this morning, TGI Friday's announced they will be debuting a new menu starting November 1st. This new menu will include items cooked in an oven as well as fresh vegetables and fruit in place of the previously used packaged preserved variety.

At the press conference held by TGIF this morning, VP of Public Relations Arnold Spyn explained, "Our previous menu was primarily made of prepackaged frozen foods and artificial ingredients. The simplicity allowed us to hire minors to microwave and thaw the meals and desserts. This in turn allowed us to keep our prices extremely low. Unfortunately of recent people have begun to turn to natural products and customers have become more discerning about what they pay for. We have received numerous emails from clients that they feel duped paying our prices for foods they could have purchased themselves for cents on the dollar. We have also had feedback that many customers do not like the idea that the restaurant did not prepare the food. In the wake of Bennigens recent bankruptcy we have no choice but to begin to cook food."

Look for items such as chicken, beef and vegetables on their new menu. Surprisingly the new menu items featuring freshly cooked meats and fresh salads will only be an average of thirty cents higher per dish than the previous menu.

MANURE LINKED TO CURING CANCER

A Wyoming farmer released a statement this morning detailing what his publicist describes as, "One of the greatest discoveries of this century." After being diagnosed with Terminal Testicular Cancer, Farmer Brown decided to do less manual labor on his 300 acre cattle ranch. He turner over the more brisk duties to his young ranch hands and limited his tasks to shoveling manure for compost and feeding the cattle.

To the amazements of his Doctors; just 6 months after being diagnosed the cancer was completely gone. When ask what the source may be Brown exclaimed; 'Its from shovelling Grade A Organic Crap!"

Since his recovery Brown and his wife have started an Organic supplement company marketing their Brand of Manure Supplement. By the end of next year they plan to sell them at, at least 60 different Natural Foods Stores around the country. Coming in at only $.75 a pill these are sure to be widely popular.